Recently, I have read a number of articles featured on
feminist websites and by feminist writers discussing women’s roles, decisions,
behaviors, and how they “should” be conducting their lives. I am deeply
disappointed by the message such discussions send to women and how they
negatively impact the goals of modern feminism.
The Atlantic and The Huffington Post featured a pair of
articles in August discussing the hook-up culture and whether it empowers or degrades
young women. The first argues that contrary to popular opinion, college-aged
women embrace the freedom and independence of casual sex. Hanna Rosin asserts
that women are rejecting the burdens and limitations of relationships, choosing
instead to pursue higher education and demanding careers. Rachel Ryan, who
happens to be a fellow Johns Hopkins alum, wrote a response article outlining
the pressure on women to engage in casual sex when they really want a
relationship. She feels the hook-up culture is anti-feminist and undermines women’s
value; in this no-strings environment, men strictly gain and women lose.
I think the truth lies somewhere between these two views,
but more importantly, that the entire basis of these arguments is destructive.
The goal of feminism is equality. To achieve this, women must be seen as full
human beings and rational agents. Discussing a single collective experience,
motivation, perception, or behavior true to all women is antithetical to every
facet of feminism. Similarly, discussing what women “should” do or dissecting a
woman’s actions as “anti-feminist” are themselves anti-feminist behaviors.
Do women benefit from the hook-up culture or are they
demeaned by it? Should we stay home to raise our children or continue to work
full time? Is my skirt too short? Too long? If I buy a bra at Victoria’s
Secret, am I embracing my sexuality or perpetuating the objectification of
women’s bodies? Do we undermine feminist values if we let our dates pay for
dinner? Does one size fit all?
There is only one acceptable answer to all of these (and
similar) questions: it’s up to you. Feminism is about treating women as adults
who are uniquely able to decide what is best for their own lives. Do you truly
enjoy casual sex and feel it unshackles you to focus on your own needs and
goals? Great! Have casual sex (with a condom, says my inner public health
nerd). Do you hate hook-ups and yearn for a steady, monogamous relationship?
Also great! Say no to one-night stands and go find Mr. Right. Do you feel more
confident in high heels or more comfortable in flats? Guess what? Your footwear
does not bear the weight of the entire feminist movement. You, as an adult,
make the choice between Toms and Louboutins, and anyone who derides you needs
to examine his or her own priorities.
I am sick and tired of these polarizing, shame-inducing
debates that pit women against each other rather than bring us together. I do
not need to be told how to live my life and such infantilization only holds
back our universal goal of equality. So can we all make a pact, ladies, that we
will stop criticizing each other’s choices and debating whether our actions are
pro-feminist or anti-feminist? Can we all agree to just support each other’s
ability to make the best decisions for her life? I, for one, pledge to stop
assigning morality to other women’s wardrobe and relationship choices. Who is
with me?
